First in the news today, a band of irate pirates converged on City Hall demanding lower tariffs on stolen bounty. This reporter overheard horrible expletives such as "aye mate, strap 'im to the yard arm!" and "keel-hull the lad!" This reporter sincerely hopes that no children overheard such language.

In late-breaking news,a naked man was reported on rollerblades in the lower marina district. Fortunately, the streaking man was on roller blades and passed by quickly. But not quickly enough, apparently. One elderly gentleman was quoted as exclaming "Don't look, Ethel!"

In further news, biologists at Genegamble Inc. are attempting to cross a jumping frog from Calveras county with a spotted parrot. Reportedly, the biologists are optimistic, but a group of local activists has enlisted a band of pirates in hopes of putting a stop to the experiment.